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  I was quick to join in, hitting the wall as hard as I could with the hammer. Adrenaline filled my veins as I channeled my anger, really letting the wall have it. Hit after hit, I unleashed all of the negative feelings of the past two weeks. It was the best therapy I had ever experienced. The loud bangs and thuds echoed through the entire house as the two of destroyed one of the bedroom walls together. It felt so good just to hit something, get out some of this anger and anxiety, that I had actually forgotten for a few brief seconds that there was a purpose to smashing the walls in. Once there was enough of the inner wall exposed, I called over to Lyle, “Go ahead and start on the next wall,” I told him. Our eyes met, and I could tell Lyle was experiencing the same rush I was. We both needed this outlet. As his mallet began to hammer into the adjacent wall, I peered into one of the holes we had made in the drywall. It was pitch black within the walls. Pacing over to the closet, I found a flashlight. Shining the light in each the holes, my eyes traced every square inch of the boards. I didn’t want to have to double back. When nothing turned up, I actually didn’t stress out. I grabbed my hammer happily and hurried over to join my brother. It was going to be a fun, yet stressful, night.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN: OUT OF OPTIONS

  The Next Morning

  Any glimmer of hope I might have felt before was gone. Lyle and I had ripped into nearly every wall in the house, even ripping up some of the flooring in the den and our parents’ room. We spent sixteen hours tearing apart everything we could get our hands on and had nothing to show for it. The money was nowhere to be found. I was pacing around the upstairs hallway with my hands covering my face; the only reason I was functioning was because of a cocktail of prescription pills and a glass of whiskey, the combination sating the craving for more drugs. Lyle sat on the floor, slumped against the wall. “What do we do now?” he asked me.

  “I don’t know,” I got out in a whisper. I had only thirty-three hours left to come up with the money before they came after Lyle. “I don’t understand what the hell he could have done with that much money in just one night. I mean, it isn’t like there is anywhere he could have spent that kind of money in the dead of night in this town. It has to be somewhere… but we’re going to run out of time trying to figure out where a drug addict hid a bag of money,” I sighed.

  Silence filled the room as we both got lost in thought, trying to come up with some way to get ten thousand dollars. The only thing I could think of was getting a personal loan, but there was no way a bank would approve me. There were those quick loan places… But those places could be just as sketchy as dealing with people like Vinny and Roger—and I didn’t want to get stuck with someone else chasing me down for money. Perhaps a small, local bank would approve me for a loan? I knew none of the major chains would… It was worth a shot if there was even a possibility that they could. Letting out a heavy sigh, I spoke to Lyle, “I guess there’s no harm in me trying to get a loan. I doubt it will work, but I’ll at least try.”

  “I would apply for one if I were already eighteen,” Lyle frowned. “But I’ll help you make the payments on it if you do get approved.”

  “We’ll talk about that when it is time to. I don’t want to get ahead of ourselves with this because chances are, they won’t give me one. I’m going to get ready and head into town,” I spoke in a mumble as I headed downstairs to take a shower.

  Once inside the bathroom, I stripped myself of my clothes and turned on the hot water. No one was going to give me money if I went in there looking rough. Getting into the shower, I let the hot water pour over me, closing my eyes to relax. I did my best to just shut off my mind as I showered, focusing on breathing deeply and letting the water relax my muscles. Allowing myself this simple pleasure, I felt my conscious slipping, almost nodding off as I stood there. I shook my head and turned on the cold water to keep myself awake. My eyelids battled my resistance, continuing to droop even though the water was cold. Trying my best, I quickly washed myself and turned off the water.

  When I opened the curtain to the shower, a person was standing in the corner of the bathroom. I nearly slipped in the tub when I took in the sight of a zombified version of my father standing before me. His skin was gray and his eyes sunken in. Maggots covered a significant portion of the top of his head, others crawling from his mouth and ears. The smell of rotten flesh filled my nostrils, causing bile to rise in my throat. I closed my eyes tightly. This isn’t real, this isn’t real, I chanted to myself mentally.

  Knock. Knock. I practically jumped out of my skin, slipping and having to sketch myself with the edge of the tub. “Jase? You okay? You’ve been in there a while,” Lyle called in. My eyes lifted from the tub to the corner. The zombie was gone. I had no words, not understanding why I would have imagined something like that. It was so real… I had smelled the rotting flesh. Could I really be losing my mind? “Jason?” Lyle sounded from the other side of the door.

  “I’m alright,” I called back to him, slowly lifting myself and stepping out of the shower carefully. My heart beat still hadn’t returned to normal, unable to get the imagery of my father’s rotting body out of my head. It had to be mixing the pills and liquor, right? I tried to tell myself I wouldn’t do it anymore, but it would be a lie. If I were denied for this loan, I would be out of options—and would more than likely drink as a result.

  Going up to mine and Lyle’s room, I dressed in my funeral attire. I wanted to make the best impression I could, hoping that maybe the loan officer would have mercy on me and approve the loan. Combing my hair neatly and putting on my cologne, I was ready. Looking at myself nervously in the mirror, I was disheartened. My black eye and the scratch on my face was still healing. It made me feel like I looked weak, like a little kid who got in a fight or something. There was nothing I could do about it, though. Letting out a shaky breath, I moved from the room. Lyle was standing by the front door, waiting for me. When I walked over to him, he immediately hugged me. Of course, I hugged him back. “Good luck, Jason,” he told me.

  “Thanks,” I murmured, pulling back and fixing my tie.

  “I’ll try and come up with some more solutions while you’re gone. We’ll figure this out,” Lyle assured me.

  Giving him a forced smile and a nod, I headed out to my car. I wanted to believe him, but I didn’t know what else we could do to obtain money. We were shit out of luck if we couldn’t get a loan. I drove to the bank, completely in my own head the entire way. The anxiety was so consuming that I forgot all about the pain from my burn and the body aches. Before I knew it, I was parked outside of a small bank named Valley Ridge Bank. My eyes were fixated on the sign, staring at it blankly as I tried to build up the courage to go inside. Already, my hands were shaking. Everything was on the line. Even though I knew there was only a slim chance that they would approve me, would I be able to handle hearing them tell me no?

  My heart painfully thudded in my chest as I stepped out of the car. The whispering suddenly returned to my ears, actually making me flinch at the surprise. I had taken the antidepressant, I thought it would have kept the noise from coming back. This isn’t going to end well for you, Jason, it whispered, sounding like a distant echo of a voice. Great. Just what I needed. Using every fiber of my being, I forced myself into the bank. There was a greeter at the door, a balding older gentleman with a kind smile and a name tag that indicated his name was Henry. “Hi there, what can I do for you?”

  “I’m here to apply for a personal loan,” I told him, struggling to keep my voice from cracking.

  Henry gave me a warm smile, “Well you are just in luck. Or loan officer Johnathan is available.” Gesturing for me to follow him, he guided me to an office door. “I got one for you, John,” Henry called to the man behind the desk.

  Johnathan looked up from his computer and smiled at me, “Come on in, have a seat.” Well, these guys were really friendly… Maybe there was hope after all. “What can I do for you?”

  “I’m here to apply for a persona
l loan for ten thousand dollars,” I informed him.

  “Alrighty! I can help with that. Do you have a bank account with us?” he asked me, readying his hands over the keyboard to punch in any credentials I gave him.

  I shook my head, “No, I don’t. But I’ll open one if that’s a problem.”

  “It isn’t a problem at all,” Johnathan smiled to me. “Can I get your name?”

  “It’s Dr. Jason Gilmore,” I told the man.

  His warm brown eyes shifted over to me, giving me a smile, “Well, you are a young doctor, aren't you? Kudos!” I shrugged modestly. “Can I get your social security card?” he asked me. I got out my wallet and handed the slip of paper over to him. Johnathan ran through all of my personal information, getting my address, date of birth, employment history, everything. “And what is the purpose of this loan?” he asked.

  I hedged for a moment before quickly recovering by telling half-truths, “I had to put my mother in assisted living. And while a lot of the bill will be paid with government assistance, a portion of the bill will come to me. This situation also puts me in charge of caring for my little brother, so I need to move to a bigger place. The money will go towards moving as well.” It wasn’t like he knew how old my brother was, he wouldn’t know that he was going to college in the fall.

  Johnathan gave me a sympathetic smile, “I understand completely. I’m sorry about your mother.”

  “Don’t be. She’s getting the care she needs,” I explained with a reassuring smile.

  He nodded, typing more things on the application. “Alright, it’s all done. I just have to wait for your credit score to come through and we can get this bad boy approved.”

  My stomach knotted at his words, “How much does credit score affect a person's ability to get a loan here?” I asked, trying to sound curious instead of nervous.

  “Well, it depends. Sometimes if a person’s credit is a little on the low side, we will make exceptions to help our customers build back up their credit. We try to be as helpful and understanding as possible.” His kind smile gave me no comfort, completely riddled with nerves at that point. His fax machine went off behind him, Johnathan spinning in his chair and grabbing the piece of paper that came through. His eyes scanned over the paper and his smile fell. “Well, Dr. Gilmore… I’m afraid we do have a problem,” he frowned. “You’re credit… it’s far too damaged. You have so many substantial loans from private institutions… I don’t think there is anything I can do for you. I’m sorry.”

  My face fell at his words, anxiety bubbling just beneath my skin, making me feel as though I was going to burst. “Please… You have to help me. I don’t know what else to do. I had to take those loans out to put myself through school.”

  The man’s frown deepened, “I’m sorry, doctor. There’s nothing I can do at this point. The bank would never allow me to lend out a loan with your credit history like this. I hope something works out for you, though. You have my most sincere wishes.”

  Something in me snapped, definitely not taking the rejection well, just as I had anticipated. “You hope something works out for me?” I repeated back to him through gritted teeth. “You can make something work out for me by approving this loan.”

  “Dr. Gilmore, I’m sorry about your—”

  Standing from my chair, I swung my arm out and knocked the lamp off his desk. The thing shattered into a million pieces onto the floor. “Don’t be sorry for me! Do something for me!” I screamed at him, my eyes wild with frustration and rage. Instantly, I felt eyes on my back. Snapping my head around, I saw the security guards from across the bank making their way over to me. White noise roared in my ears as I ran from the office and out of the building. Fumbling to get my keys out of my pocket, I got in the car and started it up. My tires squealed as I zoomed away from the bank. As I pulled onto the main road, I looked in the rearview mirror to see the guards just getting outside. They couldn’t see my license plate from there, could they?

  My hands slammed into my steering wheel out of frustration. That had been a disaster! Why couldn’t he have just given me the loan?! He could see I was a nice guy, and he knew I was going through a hard time. Did the world just want me to die by the hands of a violent drug dealer? My entire body shook like a leaf, overpowered by strong feelings of anger and hopelessness. What were Lyle and I going to do? Should we just make the most of the time we had left? I had to let Lyle know that I was denied, that way we could decide together what to do. No matter what happened from that point on, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go back to the life I had built for myself. There would be no going back to the hospital, no more going to my house. Eight years of hard work for nothing, just to meet the same fate I always would have. Was there a point to doing anything anymore?

  With my resolve completely diminished, I got out of my car and moved into the house. “What are you doing home so late?” a familiar voice sounded. Looking to the archway to the kitchen, I saw my mother standing there. Blinking my eyes rapidly, I tried to get her image to leave. Was… was she actually back?

  “What are you doing here?” I asked her softly.

  But she didn’t respond to me. It was like she was staring right through me. “Don’t start in on me,” a gruff voice called from behind me. A cold chill passed through me as my father walked through me.

  “You were with her again weren’t you?” my mother called to him, tears building in her eyes.

  “I said don’t start in on me!” my father snapped. I watched as he moved to sit down on the couch. A mug then collided with the back of my father’s head. A gasp escaped my mother, even surprising with herself by throwing something at him. My dad was on his feet in seconds and in a blur, he had her pinned to one of the shelves. He was screaming so loudly, I couldn’t even make out what he was saying. Tears poured down my mother’s face as she shrieked back at him. I remembered this. This had happened before, when I was little. I had forgotten all about this… I don’t know if I had blocked it out, or if I had just simply forgotten. This was the first time I ever witnessed my dad put his hands on my mother. His massive hand collided with the side of her face, sending her into the floor. My dad dove at her, his hands wrapping around her throat.

  “Get off her!” I screamed at him. “Get off her! Stop! Please, stop!” Bitter tears streamed down my face, just as they had the night I first witnessed this fight between them. Movement out of the corner of my eye made me flinch. Looking up, Lyle was standing at the bottom of the stairs. He was staring at me, looking completely terrified. I had actually been yelling. “I… I…” I stammered, trying to find a rationalization as to why I was yelling. I didn’t have one for him. My hands gripped my head, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Lyle,” I finally admitted, sinking to my knees.

  My brother moved to my side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “They didn’t approve you, did they?” he asked in a murmur. I couldn’t manage to get any words out, having to shake my head no. Lyle didn’t say anything, just keeping an arm around me as I completely broke down. After a few minutes, he broke the silence, “Maybe you’re having a serious a nervous breakdown from the stress…” Lyle was rationalizing for me. Was he losing faith in me too? My body jerked with each violent sob, utterly inconsolable. My life was over.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN: OUT OF TIME

  Later That Night

  I tossed and turned in a restless sleep, only able to even drift off to sleep because of Lyle forcing me to take a sleeping pill. He had tried to fill my head with meaningless sentiments. Lyle was being the best brother he could be, wanting to make me believe that things would be okay, that I would be okay. But I had been lying to myself for too long. Either the men were real and they were going to kill us, or stress had literally shook a couple of bolts loose in my head and I was losing my mind, my imagination getting away from me. There was no other explanation, and soon, the truth would be known.

  A scream bellowed through the house, jolting me from my slee
p. My eyes went across the room to see my brother’s bed was empty. Lyle. Springing from the bed, I ran out of the bedroom and rushed to the staircase. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I found Lyle. Roger was holding him, a knife pressed to his neck. Lyle’s pale face was bruised and swollen all to hell, tears rolling down his cheeks. My eyes nearly popped out of my head, my face draining of all color. Vinny stepped from around the corner, a smirk on his face. “I have another day!” I screamed at him.

  “Well, I changed my mind,” Vinny informed me calmly. “No hard feelings. It’s just business.”

  “This isn’t fair!” I screamed at the man, unable to hold back anymore. My mind actually had snapped at the bank. “Why are we being held responsible for what 0ur dad did? He fucking hated us. We have nothing to even do with him!”

  Vinny’s fist collided with my jaw, sending me flying back into the stairs. He towered over me then, “I don’t give a fuck about fair. I just want my money, and I’ll step on whoever I need to in order to get it,” he growled at me. Straightening his collar, he moved back over to Roger. “You’ll get your brother back when you get my money.”

  “Jason!” Lyle cried as they began to drag him outside.

  I scrambled to my feet, running after them. Vinny spun and put a hand to my chest to block me from getting any closer. “Do you want him back in pieces or do you want him back whole?” he threatened. With my heart breaking in my chest, I took a step back to show my submission. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I was the reason Lyle got hurt. Vinny smirked when I backed away, “That’s what I thought.”